“Be Confident to Build Confidence: 4 Simple Steps”
John Lawrence here, founder of PHGH, and I am sure you have heard the all too common saying,
“Fake it until you make it.”
When I first heard it I was in my mid twenties and was listening to a friend of mine try to sell me an opportunity in his new business. When I commented on his spiffy new suit, he told me that one of the first principles of this new entrepreneurship was dressing up on the premise that if you started dressing better and driving a nicer car, the wealth to sustain the new lifestyle was sure to follow.
Well suffice to say that I did not invest my hard earned money in his opportunity, but I often thought about the principle of “dressing successfully” in an attempt to draw success, and the quote stuck with me.
Recently I stumbled on it again, this time in a study on professional athletes to determine how to regain lost confidence.
Intrigued I went back and read the entire research project so that I could put the quote in perspective and what I found was so interesting that I used the research to create a four step process for regaining sexual confidence.
Here Are The Four Steps:
- Walk Tall. This means act confidently. Walk with your head held high, shoulders back, chin up, and back straight. Look people in the eyes, shake their hands with a strong grip, and speak firmly and audibly.
You see… when you carry yourself tall and put a little pep in your step, your thoughts and feelings will follow, staying up and positive. You will portray a confidence you may not even feel at first, but others will feel it and over time it will reflect back into you from them.
Just don’t overdo it. If you walk too tall people will think you are stiff, stuck up, or egotistical. Walk tall but make sure everyone still knows you are approachable and down to earth.
- Talk Tall. To do this you have to be careful about word choices and what you are trying to express to others. Be authentic, get rid of the meaningless chatter and gossip, and instead focus on truly communicating with the people around you in a positive way. Respond to other people’s positive news with genuine gladness, and respond to their negatives with an unshakable belief that things are soon going to turn for the better.
You see… When you talk positively, pivoting out of negative scenarios with ease, you will find that your thoughts and feelings will start doing the same.
Just be careful not to overdo it. No one wants to hear only positives coming out of someone’s mouth, especially when they are in a tough bind, depressed, or upset. Be understanding and genuine and no one will take your positive spin as unrealistic.
- Think Big. Use thought stopping to break the cycle of negative thinking. The left side of your brain will often try to over protect you by smothering you with worry and doubt, and prepare you for failure. Unfortunately this creates what I call “self fulfilling prophecies of doom.” This is when you expect the worst so you get it. You can prevent this by yelling “Stop!” inside your own head when you hear any hint of worry or fear or doubt. It’s a proven scientific fact that this will stun the left side of your brain into momentary silence, allowing you to replace the negative thought with a positive one.
Over time your brain will start to ignore the mutterings of doom and you can train it to respond to the boosts of confidence and positive thought that you insert.
- Embrace Strength. I talk a lot about embracing positives, but the simple fact is we live in the real world and that world is rarely fair. You are inevitably going to be angry, frustrated, and occasionally sad or depressed. So the key is to be strong enough to handle it, and strong enough to flip it on its head.
This is important because negative experiences linger with us longer and more powerfully than positive ones. Many psychologists believe that it takes 12 positive experiences to equal one negative one.
So you have to be sure to pat yourself on the back when you do something right, or reward yourself for good work. Take the time to notice when you do well instead of just beating yourself up when everything goes wrong. It will make you stronger, more capable of enduring the tough moments.
So that’s how you fake it until you make it, building confidence to be confident, changing how you think, walk, talk, and act to fit the person you want to become.
Like putting on a spiffy new suit, at first it’s going to feel a bit odd, but after awhile you are going to love your new suit, and more importantly, the confidence and success it creates.
by John Lawrence
For more on my life, my time in the adult industry, and all the tips, hints, advice, and blog spots follow me on Twitter (@johnlawrencexxx)
Or connect with me on Facebook.