As you may or may not know, I used to be an adult film actor… a porn star.
And let me tell you, it was incredible.
Just think about it, if watching porn is a turn on… imagine what living it must be like.
Every day was like being a kid at Disneyland, there was always something new to look at with wide eyes… or to ride. The women were world class: physically perfect and deliciously sexual. They stimulated the senses in ways that I cannot even begin to describe.
There was even this one amazingly sensual adult actress in particular who had us all wrapped around her little finger. And on a delayed shoot one evening early in my career she took me aside on a whim and showed me how to savage her taut body in ways that I still dream about today.
Not to mention that the producers loved me. I was a big hit from the get go.
It was powerful, like a strong addiction. The celebrities, the all-night after parties, getting into any exclusive night club we wanted, dining at 5 star restaurants every night, and all the high powered craziness that goes with a successful lifestyle in the Hollywood sex industry.
I was quickly swept away in the whirlwind of passion and excitement.
I worked with stars like Jenna J. and Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and the King of Stamina himself, Marcus London. And I was beating the odds in the Los Angeles, the City of Angels, center of the entertainment world where everyone comes to make it big yet very few do.
But to be honest, it couldn’t last.
The industry is fickle, the job is more difficult than you know, and the lifestyle takes its toll on your health. I’m not sure when the passion and excitement turned into the stirrings of discontent… but it did… and after about fifty films I was taking a slight turn for the worse, feeling a bit off and unsure. By seventy I was in a full blown free fall of unhappiness.
And while you may have trouble believing me considering the nature of my work, I am a very private man in a number of ways. I refused to ever let my personal life affect my professional work. And I did not like to open up about what was happening in my daily existence outside of the studios. Not to friends, not to family, and certainly not to others in the industry. So there was always a great deal going on that I wasn’t sharing.
At times I barely slept but an hour or two a night… would lay awake wondering where I was going and what I wanted to do with my life.
Was this it? Had I reached the peak? And if so, why wasn’t I happier -why did I constantly feel like I was meant for something more… something greater than what I was doing.
And to make matters worse, all my male friends outside of the industry thought my life must be perfect and constantly built me up as this sex industry icon that they bragged about to others, talking about me in ways that had no bearing on actual reality. Women wanted to sleep with me. People wanted to know me, to be around me. But they didn’t understand and I certainly wasn’t going to share the truth.
Everyone thought I was so humble but I was really just keeping it all inside.
And the stress, along with some other factors, eventually built up to the point where it impacted my work. I started having trouble getting into the mindset where I could perform up to professional movie-making standards. I no longer took much pleasure in the sex. It was just work, scene after scene after scene. My mind was always somewhere else, wondering what I should done differently, thinking about what changes I could make.
Then one day at work I couldn’t get an erection, not even a hint of one. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get hard. I pleaded a sudden illness to the producer and took the week off. I tried to get away and took a short vacation but it didn’t help. No matter how far I went I couldn’t escape my own head.
So when I came back to work I turned to the supplements and tried all of the products on the market. And remember, at this point the choices were limited, the options were not very well regulated, and the effects were either drastic or nonexistent. But I still took them all.
And while I was able to temporarily fix my performance issues, I often felt even worse afterwards. The drugs made me feel physically ill at times and the side effects sucked. I started researching the alternatives, reading every forum available, posting questions and comments relentlessly, reading medical texts, and talking to every physician, psychologist, sex therapist, and medical specialist I had access to.
It became a sort of obsession for me. I knew I had a problem, and I knew there were solutions out there… but I didn’t know if any of the solutions were right for me.
Over time I became an expert on the matter and other actors in the industry started coming to me for answers. I had a wealth of information and would tell them what I knew, point out some valid research, recommend a few articles, direct them to the proper channels, and it always made me a feel a little better when they would find what they were looking for.
Now if only I could do the same for myself I used to think.
I began traveling to remote parts of the world. At first it was just to get away, but something was drawing me. As I kept researching I found strange and powerful links between traditional Eastern medicine and male enhancement.
And it was on one such journey into South East Asia that I had a powerful moment of inspiration and realized that this is what I was meant for. Not the travel part, although that was wonderful, but the creation of something that could help people. Help people like me who did not want to be stuck with the lesser of two evils (in male enhancement) and needed a different option… a better alternative.
So after 100 films in adult entertainment I officially retired.
And now I work diligently (as the owner and developer of PHGH) to help men of all ages overcome the very problems that I experienced so powerfully during the latter stages of my career in porn.
I’ll never regret my time in the industry.
They were some of the best years of my life and made me who I am today.
But I can honestly say… this is FAR more fulfilling.
PHGH gives me a chance to truly touch lives in a way that I was missing before, to reconnect faithful husbands with their loving wives, to give lonely men a new chance at a great and fulfilling relationship, to share all the knowledge I have gained, to give good advice to those in need, and to just do my part to make a difference in whatever way I can.
The issues a man faces relating to his ability to perform are often trivialized and joked about, but in all honesty these common problems are very powerfully connected to a man’s sense of worth and confidence.
I know because I have suffered through them. And there is nothing trivial or funny about it.
In fact it is quite the opposite.
But there is no describing the satisfaction I felt when I successfully overcame the performance obstacles that stood in the way of a fulfilling love-life and an amazing relationship.
And for me there is a wonderful sense of purpose in helping others get there as well.
For more on my life, my time in the adult industry, and all the tips, hints, advice, and blog spots follow me on Twitter (@johnlawrencexxx)
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